Two Babies & the Math of Love

It was our friends Paolo and Cookie’s wedding when I went to the buffet table with a super hungry stomach. It was dinner time already, the ceremony has ended and I found myself asking for the servers to load my plate twice what they were giving the other guests. I was breastfeeding Judah so I had all the excuses of eating for two. A happy kid me went back to our table, with my plate full and taking my first bite…

I did not like at all the taste of that beef caldereta-like dish. And neither did I like that chicken or fish. I ate some spoonfuls of rice and it was the only food I could endure despite the fact that the dishes were savory and yummy (I know bec we had the same caterer during our wedding). That thought came to me because I know exactly what is causing me not to like the taste, the smell, etc- this familiar feeling of hunger and lost appetite at the same time.

I was eating for three.

Took the pregnancy test. Two lines. Positive! Husband and I rejoice. But I admit a lot of questions swarmed over me. The most pronounced of which was, “Can I love my second born like my firstborn?” Or “Will I be divided that I won’t have time for my firstborn anymore?”

“Will my love for my children be divided?”

Looking plainly at it, I believe there is a truth to that divided thing in terms of time and attention. We sure do have our limitations as human beings. But love?

At that same time, I felt the assurance of God that the love that comes from Him is a love that multiplies. I felt empowered to love.

“Go forth and multiply.” From the very beginning, God’s math language has been multiplication. It is because we are flawed in heart, sinners, that we sometimes cannot grasp His nature of love. Sin divides. But love multiplies.

The love that God lavished on us, His children, is the same love that overflows to our husbands and children as we receive it from Him. This love doesn’t run empty. It can be daily approached in His presence, demonstrated through the Cross, and imparted through changing diapers, cleaning bottles and sniffing newborns.

And so I resolved in my heart. Judah is my favorite firstborn. And this bun-in-the-oven is my favorite secondborn. And I see them as the wonderful products of God’s love.

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A love-filled rainy Friday to all!

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